Depressive Symptoms Today + My Toolbox

The last few days seemed like a perfect storm to set me up for a “depressive” state.

We did a huge shop day in busy Danang, kids came home from school with ring worm (lots of creams and sheet/clothes washing), worked with Anton on his business venture, plus I felt creative congestion and could not find the calm and space I needed to write.

On top of that, yesterday I felt like I had irritated stomach lining plus a bowel obstruction that was very painful.  Insane cramping, painful bowel movements, and the sensation what a soft ball was moving itself through my intestines.

So maybe I shouldn’t have been surprised when today I had no energy, no cares about anything or anyone, apathy, a headache behind my eyes, and a sensation that my eyes were pulled back into my head (I call this ‘eyes in my head’).

Right away I called Kaylie, my detox specialist.  After speaking with her, I realized that being ‘go-go’, having the kids constantly, being really cerebral with thinking and logic, and not having quiet meditative space may have been a huge factor.  So it only makes sense that the antidote would be a day of meditation and calm.

Kaylie also shared that in my healing approach, I need to slow down, let go and let my healing be gentle.  The wisest approach to healing is to feel it out each day, get out of my own way with my goals and expectations, then let it happen in its own divine time.

It’s funny because I do this in many areas of my life, but with my healing I set up a schedule.  I was coming off my meds a half pill every Saturday, and going hard with my detoxing diet with expectations of amazing myself and others.  While this may have served me at the beginning, it wasn’t really serving me now.  Kaylie suggested I may be coming off my meds too fast and my neurotransmitters can’t heal fast enough.  Seems right too.

Kaylie gave me the following tool box that I worked with throughout the day.  I really enjoyed getting out my head and getting back in touch with my body and energy.

Depression Toolbox

Meditation – Can do 10 mins up to 1 hour, but an hour or most beneficial so that I can calm my nervous system and allow my glands to heal my neurotransmitters.

  • Mala Bead Meditation – (I had NO beads in the house, so I wasn’t able to do this one).  Set a timer for 10 minutes.  Use a mala bead necklace, any bead or pearl necklace or a rosary and put it in your non-dominant hand.  As you roll a bead in between your thumb and fingers, breath in on one bead, and out on another.  And focus on your breath.  (I’ve seen workshops where you can make your own mala necklace!  I’m going to look into this more).
  • Singing Meditation – I LOVE this song!  I wasn’t able to get the words right (and as I’m a perfectionist I find this frustrating, plus I am musically trained) I hummed through it.  It felt amazing.  I will be doing this one many times over!

  • Body Scan Meditation – This meditation by Jon Zabat-Zinn is so well done.  I think I fell asleep before we even got to knees.  I’m going to have to do it again in a slightly more alert space!

Donna Eden – 5 Minute Energy Routine

Explore Jack Kornfield

I had also planned to go to the ocean to walk, and swim but I had zero energy still in the afternoon so I napped.

But all in all, I gave myself space and did the meditations I was prescribed.  My apathy lifted a little bit by the evening, and I felt calmer.  Now I’ll see how I feel tomorrow!  Stay tuned!

(In the late afternoon, I went to the TCM herb shop here in Hoi An to see if I could heal my guts and increase my energy.  This is a whole other post!  Wow!)


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