It’s April 1 here in Vietnam, but no joke! Last night was the first time in over a year that I didn’t take any evening dose of Seroquel!! (Quitiopene fumarate). Now, I didn’t fall asleep until past 2 am (this med put me in a sleep coma every night for 12 hours), but I fully accept any withdrawal effects of this last dose. And I’m hoping they are not too bad as I did spread out this dose to two weeks from my last reduction. I had been taking 13.5 mg since March 17).
I just love how free I feel, as though it’s one less chemical my body is chained to.
“Freeeeedommmmm!!!” (Quote from Braveheart. Didn’t William Wallace slam a quick piece of fruit into his mouth before charging into battle??)
I know I get answers to the questions I ask the universe. I’ve also learned that I can get in a dark space when I can’t get what I want. Like a toddler, only I’m having the ongoing tantrum in my head.
A few months ago I had a lot of questions around my body, and building muscle on a plant based diet. I began to question in myself my value systems – do I value a healthy, disease free body or a lean, muscle body? Do I have to choose one or the other?
The book was awesome and really taught me how a plant-based diet could support my healing, workouts and desired body type. I got to the recipe section and was so excited to see that he had recipes for pre and post workout fuel.
But then… BAM! My heart dropped. I’m in Vietnam! I don’t have access to Maca, protein powders, and the other power foods that he lists in his recipes. Suddenly I felt powerless. And this sensation gnawed at me all morning until
I realized in the afternoon that I was feeling quite down. And my root thought was “no control”.
After sitting with this for a while, I remembered something that Shawn-the-body-builder told me at the Vegan restaurant. He detoxed and cleansed his body for quite a while and lost a lot of weight before he regained strength and was able to get stronger than ever before. Plus put muscle back on. He had to break down before he could build up. This really resonated with me that now is my time to heal. And later I can explore muscle.
Plus there are always two sides to that want coin. Here I am in Vietnam at a time where I truly need to be. I have access to constant sunshine, the meditative ocean, and maybe most importantly – the cheap, healing local fresh fruit and vegetables available only 5 minutes away at an outside market.
In Canada, I will not be by the ocean or market, but I will have access to these recipe ingredients.
This has been another lesson for me to be present and grateful for what I do have today. It’s what I’m meant to have. And when I get back to Canada, I will have access to what I’m meant to have there.
I need to flow. I can always get what I want. If I ask for help with the right questions, listen to the answers, and then be patient. Oh man… that patience thing… gimme gimme!!
Many of us, anywhere along our journeys, have often waited until rock bottom to make a positive change. This got me thinking in relation to all the videos I watched about Dr. Morse’s detoxification theory and illnesses.
If people are curing their cancers with the detoxification process, why wouldn’t I try to heal my depression now? And not wait until I have a life threatening illness to make a change? ie. brain cancer. (Assuming one neurological condition could be related in any way to another neurological disease. That’s just my brain going in to extreme “what if” mode. ha ha!)
My time is now baby. I’m not a rock bottom kind of girl. I’ve learned to pay attention to my foot slipping off the rock pile.